every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
