i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
