WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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