you win again, gameday.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
