It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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