May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
