I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
