ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
