saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
