I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
