so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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