I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
