I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
