So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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