apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
