I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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