I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
