almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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