I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
