I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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