I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
