omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
