I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
