mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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