Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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