You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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