just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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