there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Michael Bay diarrhea
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
