I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
