I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
