I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dick very happy bro
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
