when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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