Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I could fuck to npr.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
