I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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