I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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