Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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