I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
