Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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