But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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