Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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