um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
