You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
