Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
