well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
