Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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