i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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