Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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