On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
