You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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