2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
