I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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