Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
