I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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