just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
