i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
