I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
