What a fucking waste of an outfit
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
