You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
