I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Randomize
