I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
