My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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