Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
