At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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