so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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