so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
