I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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